updates, updates, updates... i bought a guitar. that i never have time to practice. we completed "rock legends". sooo different from "rave on", in it's entirety. probably for the best, but still disappointing. i'm not sick. thank god. however, a month later, i still am rocking some serious bruising. swell. two weeks? psh. i've spent waaaay too much money lately, on music, on books, on dresses, on food. oy. i enjoy dan and i enjoy casey. the more others leave, the more the relationships change. for the better, definitely. nothing to do after 10 pm... last night was 'family game night'... crush. thank goodness... let's hope it's worth the wait. silence is the most intolerable of answers. -mason cooley i can't forget you or anything you say you sang that song in my ear... love is a puzzle some pieces they adjoin it's not like that with us but i keep flipping that coin first you'll... say you never had love so divine but it will go from more than ever to not enough in no time you will push and you will push un- til you push me away... i guess for me there's been a few who've walked up smiling and drawn a line between so far and from now on yes a big glowing line in time and i've been disappointed i've been heartbroken yes i too have loved from afar when i run in the dark, daniel to a place that's vast, daniel under a sheet of rain in my heart daniel, i dream of home but in a goodbye bed with my arms around your neck into our love the tears crept just catch in the eye of the storm and as my heart ran round my dreams pulled me from the ground forever to search for the future for home again, for home again you could love me yeah, you've entertained the thought but you say i'm not the one so i wish you'd rather not why does every goddamn daydream become about you? you here with me, me there with you, you wanting this as badly as i do. you did, once... twice, really, whenever it suits your fancy. i read a whole book, because it was something to do. i read a whole book, because it distracted me from you. your absence overwhelms me, swallows me whole. i'm trapped, in silence. i listen for your voice, your laugh. i squint my eyes and try to make your face appear. the details of you are fuzzy in my mind, fading. i hope if i stand here long enough you won't be able to resist all the reasons you once loved me and they'll spill over into the present once more and you'll kiss my cheek and bygones will be bygones until tomorrow when this all gets played out again i celebrate my temporary victory knowing it won't last but opening my heart to you anyway because i've never been able not to why do you insist on telling me every dirty, awful thing you've done? i think you think it will make me love you less get you off the hook, or pedestal i've put you on, rather instead, it sinks me further down in the pit below you muddy and dank i'm drowning below you i'm drowing just to be near you it's like a fast for your love and i'm starving you know, it's possible to love someone else, you say yeah, right, i snort he's got my heart locked in a shoebox under his bed there's no use trying to get it back every time i try, it is just confirmed even more that it is forever his come on, i say, let's go before i make the same mistake again will you distract me from my past tonight? i'll try to keep all my thoughts on you i'm sorry to make you second fiddle to an asshole's first seat he refuses to give it up not wanting the position but not letting go of it either just revelling in his ability to keep it an intriguing happening for him a heartbreak repeat for me musicians are so cruel with their knock knock let's start this all over again get up, get dressed hold on, this needs a playlist walls up, space in place slowly moving closer closer still until you're all i can see, all i can breathe can't it stay like this forever? trying so hard to make this memory last as i already know the moment won't i wanna breathe the black you wear run my fingers through your hair and top your tattooed body talk to me in frnech and tease me turn me on and get me going your voice is deadly deep and damaging to me this tragedy of longing can't feel free if i don't have you oh, where did i go wrong, my love? what petty crime was i found guilty of? what better time to find a brand new day? oh, wanderlust away. go ahead, let him break your heart in the end, if you're smart- you'll break his better and he'll regret it with every little shattered piece let me fall asleep in your arms we can look out at the stars maybe they'll be shining just for us because we finally got it right we'll fall asleep together tonight and from now on unto forever i want you to open every single drawer show me all your secrets not be afraid i'll hold your face in both my hands and i say i love you even more i didn't know it was possible i wan tthat wall to fall tumble crumble and never go back up can you imagine the beauty of a wall-less existence? oh, to dream instant love come on, let it go you know you're the only one i want pull me in, pull me under i watched you sleep until 5 am cause i wanted to be part of your dreaming oh love, don't leave me by myself or i'm bound to lose my meaning motherfucker, i love you every goddamn irritating thing about you i find adorable, irresistable, charming i love the delight you find in watching me think your stupid laugh, your devious grin every single touch your candle drawer your pajama pant collection c'mon skinny love just last the year... i told you to be patient i told you to be fine i told you to be balanced i told you to be kind in the morning i'll be with you... now all your love is wasted? then who the hell was i? who will love you? who will fight? who will fall far behind? all i can offer you are farmer chords, these simple rhymes and you painted in words you can sing this when alone or whistle it through your teeth and it will feel like home no matter how far you'll be from my lonely arms outstretched just beyond your reach singing, "ooh, baby, please..." i've been down this road before i walk out the door leave you on the floor... looks like the rain's pouring down on me it's drowning me now and all i want to do is come back home and this old corduroy jacket is not keeping me dry but i can't think of what else to try that's why the best thing i can give to you is for me to go leave you alone you got growing up to do regressing to lyrics on xanga, but so worth it. just getting it out of my system. empty nothing left i would blame you but i just don't have the energy strength to do it anymore |